I’m so thankful that my girls are homeschooled. I was watching the news earlier about how schools are cutting the budgets and the kids are suffering because of it. There are some schools that cut buses. There are some schools that do not have enough text books to go around. There are some colleges that wanted the students to use Kindles and get their books from Amazon books.
I understand that this country is in the red. But why should the kids have to suffer? Why does their education have to be at a bare mininium? Here in Alabama, most schools lack the funding for adequate text books for all the students. Some parents have taken it upon themselves to purchase the books their child needs.
I just don’t get it. These kids are our futures and yet they are having to suffer. As parents is it really right to sit back and let the system let down our kids? Thankfully I do not have that to worry with. But regardless if my girls’ are in public school or homeschooled, there are millions of other kids out there who are suffering at the hands of the leaders of our nation.
You know what makes me sick ( wow now I am quoting Paul Harvey)? Seeing advertisements on the TV for Disney vacations. It never fails, Shorty sees it and begs to go. I mean this goes on for about an hour after said commercial.
But I will hand it to advertisement agencies, they are so smart to target young kids. Not only do they do it with vacations, they do it with everything. A new toy that comes across the screen is meant to intice kids. Kids then go to their parents and bug them for that item. Some parents give in. Some parents, (like me) ignore the begging.
I understand that targeting kids, makes them money. But what if I don’t have that money to spend? I am left hearing my 9 year old daughter whine about how bad she wants so and so and how unfair it is that everyone else has one. Then I have to explain how unfair life is. Some times it just sucks to be a parent.
So I thought I had a brilliant idea. You see, both of my girls are taking English Literature this year. I thought it would be great for them to read some of the classics, so we started off with To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. I remember reading it in high school and it is one of my favorites.
I looked for the ebook online. I wanted to put it on our ipods so we could read it no matter where we were. That really wasn’t such a great idea. I couldn’t find To Kill a Mockingbird, but decided to test it with a freebie online. I quickly discovered that the print was so small that it gave me a headache trying to read it.
I would love to be able to read the books electronically, but I can’t afford an E-reader. But take it from me, unless you have perfect vision, don’t even attempt to put an e-book on an I-pod unless you have a bottle of asprin to go with it.
I am still struggling with my anxiety disorder. It really sucks. At times I feel myself sinking deeper into the abyss. I keep calling the mental health office to see if they have an opening on the slider fee. Each week, I get the same response. No openings.
I can see a therapist now if I want to fork out $130 the first visit and $90 an hour after that. Hell I can’t even afford life insurance or any type of insurance. The medicaid pepole said they could only help if I was a threat to myself or my family, which I am not. So I’m screwed.
I did manage to take Jellybean to the Dr the other day. At first I was very uncomfortable. I was sweating and panicking. I think the only thing that saved me was that I double my anxiety meds before we went.
My hubby has brought up on several occasions how he wants things back like they were before. I do too. I mean I understand where he is coming from. We used to take the girls everywhere. We would go to the mall just to walk around. Now I am lucky if I can make it in there 5 minutes before I start hyperventilating and have to leave. I feel like I’m letting my family down. My girls are always saying they want to go do something, yet I can’t bring myself to do it.
The biggest issue I’m facing now is the money. If I had the money I would definitely see a therapist. I have so much that I need to get out. I need to get on with my life. I want to get on with my life. I’m stuck right now. I just want to return to myself.
I love hubby to death. He is a Jack of almost all trades. Noticed I said almost. The one area he lacks skills in is home improvement. He couldn’t build a bird house if he tried. He once built us a porch and when we stepped out on it, it fell to the ground.
There’s a few projects around the house that really needs to be done. For example, we need to gut the small bathroom and replace the floor. Have we done it yet, nope. He needs to finish installing the Kwikset door knobs that we have had for about 5 years. Three of the rooms in this house does not have a door knob. The living room desperately needs to be repainted.
Even with all the repairs that needs to be done, it’s really hard to ask someone who does not possess the skills to do the job. It’s like hiring a plumber to work on the electricity. Just doesn’t work that way. You know what I mean? I’m pretty sure I could do it myself. But having him hover over me telling me I’m doing wrong just doesn’t sit well with me.
I wonder if I can trade him in for a weekend. Maybe get a tall, dark and handsome repairman that is great with his hands. What? I need my floors fixed 
Summer is winding down. What have we done? Nothing. Where have we gone? No where. What have we seen? The same four walls. Day in. Day out. I often dream of a family vacation. I mean a REAL vacation.
Sure my kids have never seen the ocean. We do take them to the river. I mean we do have a “sandy” beach there. However, you do have to pay attention to the nuclear plant across the way, but you do learn to ignore the green carpet fish.
Our little “beach” has it’s advantages. It’s never crowded. There’s all kinds of aquatic species (some genetically modified by the nuclear plant) to see. It’s not far from home. In it’s own little way it’s kinda Hawaii-ish, just redneck style. We also have evacuation routes in case the nuclear plant blows up.
With the advantages comes the disadvantages. Our “beach” is nothing like the beaches of the Outer Banks. We do not have waves. Well we do in a way, they are generated by the dilapidated, redneck jet skis. But nothing to surf to. We do not have lobsters or crabs in our waters. No siree, we have cotton mouth snakes, funky fish and a gator or two that has gotten lost.
So I guess my family will never have a real vacation. We may never get to walk the white sandy beaches that snuggle the ocean. The only shells we will collects is those shed from the mussels deep in the mighty river bed. We will continue to watch the sun set over the nuclear plant, hoping that is the sun glowing off in the distance. Yep, that’s the closest thing to a vacation we will ever see.
Today I am feeling at my lowest of lows. You know it’s bad when you can’t get professional help. Well I could if I had a small fortune to the tune of $135 first visit and $90 and hour ever visit after that. Damn that sucks so bad. I’m so ready to see a therapist to get my anxiety under control. I want to see a therapist to let go of all of this emotional baggage I am carrying around with me on a daily basis.
I don’t think it helped matters much today that I watched the sun rise and got back up at 8:30. No sleep doesn’t not set well with me. It makes me emotional, cranky and all out crazy.
I just don’t know what to do. I know in my heart I need the professional help. I can not mend this on my own. I have been trying but I am failing at it. It just sucks that there’s no help out there for someone like me. I am like Humpty Dumpty, no one can put me back together again.
There are days like today where I could just peel my skin off with a ‘tater peeler and could care less. Every inch of my body is ridiculed with pain today. My skin feels like someone is sticking matches underneath it. Clothing makes me cry. Hugs brings me to my knees. My fingers feel as though they could pop at any moment and someone could win a prize for throwing darts at my feet.
My hair is pulled up in a ponytail. Even my scalp hurts. I have one spot on my head that will occasionally shoot these awful pains as though I have been stabbed. My neck just doesn’t want to do anything. It’s even letting my head down. LOL Getting up out of bed this morning was a sore sight. I wallowed around like a beached whale until I found my way to the edge of the bed.
I have been stumbling into walls. Knocking photos down as I go. Today is not a good day for some with Fibromyalgia. The heat is my worse enemy in all of this. And with the temps knocking at around 100 degrees for the next several days, I forsee myself in a lot of pain until then.
I would not wish this on my worse enemy. No one has any idea how much a person with Fibro suffers on a daily basis. Yes I look normal, but I’m not. I look fine, but my body is not. I may pretend that everything is just hunky dory when in fact I want to crawl up in the fetal position and cry.
So if you ever encounter someone with Fibro, be gentle with them. A hug may send them to bed crying. A pat on the back may bring them to their knees. But most of all, support them and get educated on Fibro. It’s not in our heads.
I am such a procrastinator. I should have already had the girls’ homeschool schedules done. I have started on it, just haven’t finished. This year we have decided to use the internet to our advantage. You can find anything and everything on here and it’s free. Plus my girls’ prefer working online than out of a book. Hey it works for us.
Life has changed so much for us since we decided to homeschool. Our family has gotten so much closer. At one time the girls would fight all the time. Plus the attitudes were out the roof at times. I’m amazed at how much better things are. Plus they love being homeschooled.
Well I guess I need to get my nose to the grind stone. Blah. Might as well be productive inside since it’s too hot outside.
Look Whose Talkin’