I knew I raised smart kids. I have never been so proud as I am right this moment. Wild Child has been helping her Daddy all morning tear down a 4 wheeler and fixing hers up. She’s dirty, greasy and I love it. I love the fact that I didn’t raise prissy ass girls and they will dig in and roll with the boys. Jelly Bean has been helping to, but gave up when her cousins came rolling in. You know her social status comes first. LOL. Shorty is all happy go lucky. Her strawberry plants she got about 2 weeks ago for making good on her report card is producing strawberries. She has to show everyone. But they are just little bitty things and are as green as the grass. But hey, she took care of them and they are doing good.

We talked to our lawyer yesterday about Shorty’s accident. He said since nothing was broke, you can’t really sue. That wasn’t my intentions at all. I just want the place to fess up and say hey we F*cked up and all that. He did say that their insurance company will compensate Shorty for her pain and suffering. Oh how nice. But now she’s scared shitless of birdbaths and because she hasn’t seen a shrink that doesn’t count. That’s beside the point, I just want you to acknowledge that ya’ll screwed up and fix the problems you have going on in your store. That would be like me knowingly allowing her to play in traffic even though I know it’s not safe. Ya know what I mean. Anyways.

Well shit, I gotta go, they can’t find one particular screwdriver and of course, I’m supposed to know where it’s at. Like I use something like that. LOL

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Mom is Nutz and her Freebie Fridays!!

I did it again. I had another disturbing dream. This time I caught my hubby in the shower with someone. And in this dream he told me again that he didn’t love me and that I was crazy. Why am I dreaming dreams like this? Where is it coming from? I’m not jealous of him talking to whomever on the internet. I know he loves me. And he’s been my biggest supported with my mental bouts. I am not insecure in my marriage. He is home with me 24 hours a day. So that’s not an issue. I can’t fathom the concept of these dreams and why they are haunting me so.

I discussed my dream some what with him this morning. He thinks it’s my medication causing me to have these dreams. It could very well be. But why can’t I dream about anyone else but him cheating on me?
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I’m using the laptop at school and let me tell you, it’s hotter than hell right now. There’s barely a breeze blowing and if it is, I ain’t feeling it. Tomorrow hubby and I go talk to the lawyer. He is going to pressure the insurance company to compensate Shorty for her accident. In a way I kinda feel bad, but I have since been back to that store and they have completely dismantled the birdbaths. Now I’m no genious, but to me that shows they screwed up and that their neglect caused her injury. I spoke to the man from the insurance company who acted like he didn’t give a rats ass. Now when ever Shorty sees a birdbath she starts crying and begging for her Daddy to put her in the buggy. Damn them for scarring my baby and creating a fear of birdbaths for her. Anyways, the bell just rang thank goodness so I gotta pull my ass up and get one then head over to the other school for the others. A mother’s work is never done!!

My kids think I have lost my marbles. I (30 something) love the new Fergie song Glamorous. I had it playing this morning before 7 and listened to it at least half a dozen times. Another song that I have grown quite fond of is Justin Timberlake’s song What goes around comes around. LOVE IT. I have never really been a fan of his, but there’s something about this song that I love. I will always be a die hard 80’s girl. Nothing rocks like the hairbands. But there’s a few songs that come out these days that granted I should probably be too told to enjoy, but I actually like them.

I never understood growing up why Daddy wouldn’t let us listen to the radio unless it was crying in your beer because your wife left you for your best friend and the dog is dead, kind of music. I pay attention to the lyrics and luckily even though some may not agree, I let me kids listen to certain things they shouldn’t. But hell, they don’t know what it means. The only one that is forbidden to hear some things is Shorty, because she likes to repeat to other adults. Doesn’t look good on my part my 5 year old singing about getting laid.

I realized another sign of my age is this year, hubby and I are planting a veggie garden. We was estimating the cost of feeding the three gutless wonders. It costs a lot and since I’m trying to save up for a vacation, seems only logical to cut back a few expenses. We was talking earlier and I never would have thought ten years ago that I would be planting a garden to save money. But with age comes wisdom. Or so I’m told. Now if only Doritos could grown on a vine I would be set.

I wonder what our future holds. Will he be able to see tomorrow or will he lose his sight forever? Being only 31 with macular degeneration isn’t good. We have been told this for a few years now. There’s nothing they can or will do. But to take a person who could see, although not perfect, but could drive at night and enjoy life to the fullest, to a homebody because of your mistakes.

Will he see the kids graduate high school? Will he see them go off to college and graduate? Will he see them get married and have kids of their own? These are the questions I wonder on a daily basis. Even though on the exterior he makes it seem as though it’s no big deal. I can see the frustration in his eyes.

I have supported his decisions for no more surgeries and no more practices on his eyes. I understand completely. I don’t think I could do what he has already done. I don’t judge him or get frustrated at him. I’m angry at the drs that let this happen. I’m angry that they have abandoned all hope on fixing him. To making him whole again.

I want to see him gain his freedom and independence again. To be able to go as he pleases instead of having to wait. To not be guided in dark places. To not have the halos blind him from oncoming traffic. I want him to be happy again. Is it too much to ask for?

My hubby and I have been married for 13 years. I love him dearly I really do. He’s my best friend. I can talk to him about anything. But it seems as though here lately all we do is disagree. That’s not us. We can always come to a compromise on just about anything. I feel like I’m losing the only stable thing I have in my life. But why?

I have noticed that I have grown a little bit more impatient. I don’t want to put off tomorrow what can be (or should be) done today. My tolerance level has dropped. But for what reason? Is it age? Is it hormones? Or could it be (and god I hope not) are we growing apart. We both “work” from home. But during the day, we barely see each other. We “talk” through IM’s how sad is that? But we give each other our own space to do our thing during the day while the kids are at school so we have the afternoons free.

Get this, I started tearing up yesterday because he wouldn’t move the grill. Stupid, I know. But I couldn’t help it. I have been taking my medication so I don’t think that’s it. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with emotions and don’t know what to do with them. So I cry. Yes I am a cry baby and will admit it to anyone. But I wonder if that’s what’s putting the wedge in my marriage. We put the kids to bed early last night and sat outside for almost 2 hours just talking. We used to do that all the time. But by the time the conversation got going good, I was sleepy and ready for bed.

I don’t want to lose my stability. My rock. The only thing in this world (besides my kids) that brings me the only happiness I have ever known. Maybe we just need to get away from it all.