Hubby and I had words last night. Yep we sure did. I’m am over stressed and I feel as though he doesn’t give a rats ass. I feel as though everything that goes wrong is my fault. Like I can’t do enough even though I’m busting my ass. I know that he can’t help our financial situation. I know that he can’t do what he wants to do. We are still tied up in disability bullshit that makes me even more mad every day that passes.

I feel like just throwing my hands up and saying F*CK it all. I am only one person carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. I told him I was going job hunting Monday knowing damn and good well, that I can’t leave him here alone with the kids. If something were to happen to them he can’t get them the help they need. He can’t drive, he can’t see that well anymore. So what do I do?

I vowed to stick with him through thick and thin and all the other stuff. And I will. I can not condemn him for his health. I won’t do that. I love him too much. But I am drowning myself with all this responsibility that I have taken on.

I worry on a daily basis about how I’m gonna pay which bill and how I’m gonna put food on the table for my kids. I can live on very little, they can’t. I worry about how I’m gonna buy their school shit. I worry about how much longer my husband will be able to see our kids. I often cry myself to sleep with worry.

I almost canceled our camping trip. It’s gonna cost me 30 bucks for 2 nights. But I thought about it, I will be damned. I’m not going to take that away from my kids who are looking forward to it. I need the get away myself. I’m not a religious person, but please pray, dance, or whatever you wanna do that I keep my sanity. What little bit of it I have left.

Ok, I love me some Taco Bell. I truly believe that my Texan ancestors married some beautiful latin women somewhere down the line. Anyways, last time we ventured to the South of the border, north of the border (damn I confused myself) they burned my Extreme Quesadilla to Extreme nastiness. So tonight after I took the kids to McDonald’s, hubby and I decided to try again.

Now mind you, I haven’t taken my happy pills in about 4 days now, so I’m a little short on nerves and big on attitude. After waiting in the drive thru for about 20 minutes, I roll up to the voice in the box and proceeded to place my order. I told him I wanted the Extreme Quesadillas and DO NOT BURN THEM THIS TIME. He said, Uh what? I said very slowly DO NOT BURN THEM THIS TIME. I through him for a loop. He repeated it back to me with a hint of fear in his voice. I pull up to the window and he had this frightened look on his face.

I have worked years in the fast food industry before anyone comes on here getting all bitchy with me. I know what the protocol is. And to me I don’t pay for burned food that my dog won’t even eat. So I gave Taco Bell Hell tonight!!