So we are still at our spring cleaning this morning.  This morning  I was attacked by killer dust bunnies off of the ceiling fans. LOL So much more to do though. But honestly I’m not in the mood for cleaning today. I’d rather be napping. I’m hoping by the end of the week to have my house totally organized and bunny free. I really hate cleaning and that’s why things got so out of hand. But I am turning over a new leaf and hopefully I can keep things better organized than I have.

I’m hungry, what’s for lunch? LOL

Today is the day. Honestly I am dreading it for the most part. Today is the “get down to the nitty gritty” annual spring clean up around here. Normally I would be outside doing something, but all that has been done. Plus the rain factor keeps me inside today. We will break out with the elbow grease and get down and dirty. But first I gotta suck down a cup of MOJO before I do.

I’m really am tired though. We made a very late grocery run last night at 9 pm. By the time we got back I was so ready for bed, but ended up staying up until midnight. So did the kids and they have never stayed up that late. So if you don’t hear from me, you know either the dust bunnies ate me or I’m in a coma somewhere. 

Well reading my last post was kinda depressing wasn’t it. Thankfully I have a great support from a near and dear friend that helped me last night. Thanks a million Holly.

I try and try not to let things like this bother me. I mean after all I have turned over a new leaf at the beginning of the year and vowed this would be the year I let it all go and not be bothered by it. For the most part I have done really well with it. It still hurts though to see photos online of the family gatherings or whatever.

I mean, I am my own person. I have the best family I could ask for, amazing friends and they all accept me for who I am. I have my own family photos with lots of love and laughter. And I don’t have to kiss anyone’s butt to be happy. I have returned to my happy go lucky self this morning.

Being  the outcast of the family has it perks. I do not have to be forced to attend family gatherings where everyone kisses each others ass and pretends to like one another. I do not have to be subjected to the who has what and who can top it game. I do not have to be a brown noser to be accepted.

Even though you casted me aside like a bad dish that even the dog won’t touch, in most cases I’m fine with it. Until I see family photos of everyone being so happy and I wonder, do you miss me? Do you think about me when everyone is gathering for special occasions and celebrations? Do you wished I were in the photographs you take? Do I even cross your mind?

I’m sure that my name has been long since swept under the carpet and the dirty little secret of the family. That is unless the only one that does call me spreads my life’s happenings out for all you to feast on. Then and maybe only then my name comes across your lips like a bad fever blister that hurts like hell, but just won’t go away.

Sometimes I think certain members of the family on share their photos to rub it in my face. I see laughter and joy but I wonder are you really at peace with yourself for letting your oldest child go? Are you really happy with your self because you have shunned her away because she will not conform to your beliefs that the childed you created doesn’t come equal to your wife? Do you sleep well at night knowing that you have never met your grandchildren that are almost young adults? I hope it burns you alive to know that my girls are very happy and content not knowing you.

I often think about you. I wonder if you think about me. I wonder why am I not good enough to be a part of your life. But there are times where I’m so hurt and so angry with you that I don’t care if I ever see you again. I want to punish you like you have me for all these years. Some things I have forgave you for, others not so much. I still have a lot of hurt and pain in my heart for the way you handled things many years ago. I hate you for not protecting me. I despise you for basically calling your 7 year old a liar. But I still love you for giving me life. For teaching me life’s lessons that I teach my girls every day.

I’ve been gone for almost 16 years. It seems like an eternity. But even though I haven’t seen your face or felt your embrace, I still remember your goofy laugh and your stupid comb over. 

In case you are wondering, I’m fine. I’m (for the most part) a very happy woman with an amazing husband that you never gave a chance. I have three beautiful, smart, fun, respectable and loving girls. I’m not rich. I’m not a successful business woman. But you raised me that materialistic possessions are not worth the love of your family. That is true.

What I am though is a person with a heart that breaks from time to time. I’m a very loving and giving person. I lead with my heart more times than I should. I am just starting to love my life for what is it. I am understanding that I will never be a part of you or your family. I understand that I am a disappointment to you. I understand that even though you are supposed to love me, I don’t think you really do or else I wouldn’t be writing this.

Life will go on though. You have yours and I have mine. I may not have a family photo with my father, but I have accepted that. I will never get an invitation to family gatherings, but that’s ok, I’m not that sociable. And I know that when my name crosses your lips, it’s not words of love or encouragement, it’s words of disappointment and probably rage. 

I will never be asked to grace the next set of family photos. That’s ok I have my own. But the difference between us is, I do not flaunt my family in your face. The one thing I do have more than you is dignity. Can you say the  same?

My husband is one of the most important people in my life besides my girls. Anyone that knows us know we argue, we fuss but in the end I would go to the ends of the earth for this man. I love him dearly.

My husband has extremely poor eyesight. He was born like this and after years of dealing with it, he decided to go with his eye doctors advice and seek corrective surgery. The results from these surgeries was anything but great. It left him disabled to the point he can no longer drive for himself anymore. Actually he hasn’t drove at night in almost 12 years and he stopped driving during the daytime about 3-4 years ago.

In addition to the Bio Quench, we got a free bottle of Bioflu Vital. This is was looking forward to trying because I do not get regular flu shots because I am terrified of needles. So I’m hoping that the next time someone breaks out with a cold or the flu, I can start taking these vitamins to reduce my chances of getting sick. Everyone knows a sick mommy is a useless mommy right?

It’s another beautiful day here in the hood. I’m sore, I’m tired and I think I need a nap. That’s the best thing about going to the Chiropractor. I leave there and I’m so relaxed all I want to do is sleep when I get home.

But on a good note, the Doc didn’t touch my neck area. Instead he worked his magic on my hips. I’m still having problems out of them. So he gave me some electric shock therapy on them today. I still feel like I have been laid out across some van racks and someone just continued to ride down the bumpiest of roads. Yeah I’m that sore. But hopefully we can get this problem fixed and hopefully I will be good as new. He did give me some good news. I asked him, well I begged him sort of, to go on a hike. He said not today but tomorrow I could. YAY!!!

And another bit of good news.. he pushed my appointments back to 10 days now. I’m really happy about that. I did confess to him that I have done a lot of yard work and even used the weedeater, but I told him that I wasn’t in any pain, just really sore. But like he said, that’s because before I couldn’t do it and now I can. It’s amazing the difference I can see in myself. I even believe I am a happier person now.

Today I pushed myself and my body. I done things today that I haven’t been able to do for a long time and not be bent over double with pain. I worked in the garden, I created and finished my second flowerbed, that is absolutely gorgeous (picture below), and got the weedeater to the yard. I’m a little sore, but not in bend over doubled with pain. I’m so ecstatic about the progress I have made in what, less than 6 weeks. It’s fabulous.

Isn’t it beautiful? The only thing about spring that I absolutely hate is all the pollen that falls. And we are a week into spring and I was noticing today that my truck (which is blue) is turning green from all the stuff floating around. I wished I had a tonneau cover for it so it wouldn’t look so nasty all the time. And washing it would be a daily chore. And lets face it, I’m too lazy to wash it every month much less every day.

Ah, there’s nothing like being woke up at 5:30 am buy a bunch of dogs. We have one of the females in heat and we put the only male dog we have on the chain at night. Well he doesn’t like it and proceeds to bark half the night. Some how or another he managed to get tangled up around the basketball goal and pull it over. I wished Pebbles would hurry up and go out of heat if no, all the dogs may be looking for some new real estate. LOL They better hope tonight isn’t a repeat of the last two nights. I’m beginning to feel like I’m in that movie Groundhog’s Day.

Hi. Did you miss me yesterday? Sorry I was a little preoccupied yesterday with all this spring cleaning and planting I was just too pooped to post. Actually the day before yesterday was the big day. I finished the main flowerbed, got started on the new on. But before I could start the new one, I had to take up what I believe is to be a Spanish Dagger Yucca plant. It was over10 feet tall and the plant leaves are razor sharp. Check out a picture of it:

We decided to take it down because half of it appeared to be dead and I was so afraid the girls would fall into it. Like I said, that plant would make you bleed if you bumped into it. So we took and tied it to the rear spoilers or bumper thing of my truck and I drug it out of the ground. Even though I took the main tree down, I got several root bulbs off the bottom of it and even in the soil under it. So I am going to plant them in the four corners of the property. They make excellent burglar repellent. LOL

Yesterday, I done a little work but I was super sore from all the getting up and down the day before. My hips were killing me. But after school we went to my in laws and planted more veggies in the garden. Today is supposed to be another busy day. The weather is going to be FAB with highs almost 80 so I’m going to work on my second flowerbed, the garden here and hopefully get the grass cut, that is if my allergies let me.