So I have been thinking a lot about this new year coming up. I have decided that in 2009, I will be happy on my terms and no one elses. For me, that is a huge feat in itself. I am often trying to make everyone else happy. But when it comes down to it, no one tries to make me feel happy.
I have done some self reflecting over this past year. It’s funny when you sit and think things through, you gain a new perspective. I found out in this year, that some people isn’t worth your time. And that I can depend on no one (well except my husband and my friends). I have learned that I obsess over things I can not change. I also obsess over not being my mother. When in fact, I’m nothing at all like her. I have learned that I am a strong person. I can accomplish anything I set my mind do to.
This year will bring changes for me. I will be happy. I plan on attending online college classes. I plan on writing a book (hopefully). I plan on devouring every precious moment with my girls. I plan on celebrating my 15 year wedding anniversary with my best friend in the world. I plan on making new friends. I plan on living life to the fullest. I plan on telling a few people exactly what I think of them and not holding anything back. I plan on living and laughing to the fullest extend. I plan on making memories this year instead of being locked up in my house. As you can see 2009 is going to be a busy year for me and for once in my life, I’m looking forward to it. Out with the old me and in with the new!!
Oh it’s been a nice today. I actually got outside and picked up the yard some. I love days like today. I just want to be in the middle of a hiking trail somewhere taking in all that mother nature has to offer. These last few days have seemed so much like spring and I have really enjoyed it.
So my hubby and I haven’t been talking much since last night. We have a huge difference of opinion when it comes to what the girls should be doing at this age. Jelly Bean wanted some friends to come down and one of the was a boy. I already told her that IF that were to happen, they would not be left alone. She was fine with it and understood my reasons. Well I mentioned it to hubby last night and he freaked out on me. He told me that she’s only 14 and isn’t old enough to have boys coming over. I argued my views on it.
I personally don’t see anything wrong with it. I would rather her be here where I can keep an eye on her than her over at someone’s house. He got all pissy with me and told me that I was going to let her run wild if I had my way. Ummm. no I had no intention, but I do want to let her grow up a little. Heck, I’m not inviting her to have an orgy in the living room, they just wanna hang out and play the video game.
I was so mad at him I could have stuck a TW Steel watches up it A$$ and pulled it back out of his nose last night. I understand him wanting to shield and protect her, I feel the same way. But I want to let her spread her wings a little and we always butt heads on subjects like this. I’m tired of arguing with him over letting the girls grow up. What would you do? Would you let a boy come over to hang out totally supervised or not?
I haven’t been in the mood to write today. I guess it has something to do with the dog keeping me up all night last night barking. One would get cranked up and then the rest would follow suit. At about 4 AM this morning I wasn’t a happy camper and wanted to strangle a few of them.
Rebel was trying her best to get out of her pen last night. I could hear her getting on top of her dog house and trying to climb the fence. Lucky for me she has a ball lock pins type of lock on the gate and can’t get out that way.
Then after finally going to sleep somewhere around 5 this morning, my mother in law called at 8 something to tell the girls to be ready by noon to go to town with her. She was swapping their Christmas gifts that was too small or the wrong team (boo Auburn). LOL. So for a few hours I was completely childless, but instead of catching a nap, I watched the Tori and Dean marathon. I just love that show.
Now I’m sitting here thinking about eating a snack and going to bed. I wonder if I can convince the girls to go to bed early tonight. I guess I better get them back in the habit of their regular bedtimes. The only thing is, I really enjoy everyone sleeping in late. Oh well, it’s now or never I reckon.
I remember my first cookie baking experience. I stood over that oven like a hawk. The cookies came out a tender, steamy disc of goodness. I was quite proud of myself, even though baking cookies doesn’t really require a degree to make. I guess some people are natural bakers and other not so much. Jelly Bean does not have that gift of baking. Tonight I turned her loose to bake Chocolate Chip cookies. No biggie right. She’s been doing quite a bit of cooking here lately.
So I’m sitting here surfing through Flickr and I smell something. I thought she was here in the kitchen watching her cookies like a hawk. I look over and she’s in the livingroom watching TV. I tell her to get up and come in here to check these cookies because by the smell of them, they were past done. I meet her at the stove, and OMG, she had burned the cookies to a crisp. Hubby being the good sport that he is, ate one. I asked him how it tasted and it said “It sucked and they were burned till hell wouldn’t have them”.
Luckily there was a second batch that I saved from the grips of hell. Quite delicious if I must say so myself. I have a great kid, but a lousy baker.
UGH, now that Christmas is over with, now is the time that really sucks. From being broke from holiday spending. While we didn’t go overboard with the kids, we are still so broke I can’t even afford free custom promotional products. You know life is going to suck when you have to borrow toilet paper from your mother in law. The girls will be munching on fried bologna sammiches for supper tonight. Maybe the money fairy will land in my lap today. I’m not holding my breath. She’s probably broke too. LOL
It’s always this last week that gets us. Hubby check will come through late next week so if we can just make it until then. I just don’t really see how though. I am out of everything. I need to go through my coupons before the end of next week and get them in order. His check won’t go far, not with an almost $400 electric bill. Our electric company raised our rates just as the cold weather set in. Fortunately for us, these last few days have been pretty nice and I haven’t had to had the heater on. So maybe next month’s bill will be cheaper. I hate the winter months.
Better than the last
Over the holidays and a few days prior, I have been doing a lot of soul searching. I have spent the last few years of my life trying desperately not to become my mother. In fact, I had even became obsessive about it. I know what I do and didn’t know if I could change the person I was. I am damned and determined not to follow in her footsteps and make the same mistakes she did.
It had been brought to my attention by several people, I am not her and never will be. I had actually indeed learned from her mistakes. I have been here for my hubby and children. I did not chose to up and leave because I had had enough. I stuck it out. Sure there are times where I have wanted to throw my hands up and say fudge it all. But I don’t and won’t.
Hubby has asked me on several occasions if moving would help me. Not only with the problems with my mother, but other various members of the family. In a way, I think it will, but then again, this is my home. The only place I have ever known.
Sure we don’t have much here, we have a Piggly Wiggly, a few corner stores, a DQ and a dollar store franchise but regardless, this is home. But I also have to think of my sanity. I often wonder if a brand new start isn’t what I need. But doesn’t ghost tend to follow you where ever you may go?
While the idea of starting over fresh and new sounds so inviting, for now, I have to stay put and thwart off my troubles as they come. My mother will no longer consume my thoughts. I will start living for me and my family. The rest of the crazy bunch will just be a fading memory even if I do come face to face with them. I will ignore them just as they have done me for the last 16 years. I have decided that 2009 will be the year for me. No one else. After 33 years, it’s about time don’t ya think?
Send lots of vibes please
Dinner is on the stove when the phone rings. Hello is answered nonchalantly. I hear my hubby say OMG. Then like a mockingbird I say.. OMG.. what? He relays the story from my MIL on the phone that my niece, her hubby and my great nephew were just in a car accident. At this point in time, no one really knew what had happened. But as of this moment, everyone is ok, my niece’s hubby’s head hit the sun roof and he has a large gash across his forehead. My great nephew has belt burns from his car seat and my niece is ok.
Apparently, an elderly woman pulled out in front of them and panicked and stopped her car. My niece’s hubby T-boned her and the car spun around and hit a culvert head on. Right now they are all at the hospital having X-rays and examines to make sure that everyone is ok.
Whether you pray, or send vibes or whatever you do, please keep my niece and her family in your thoughts. It could have been much worse than it was and I’m thankful that they are ok.
Another Christmas has come and gone. Overall it was a great time for us all. We let the girls open their presents on Christmas Eve so we wouldn’t have to be in such a rush yesterday to go eat at my MIL’s. Shorty being the only child in the house who still believes in Santa, got woke up at 2 AM Christmas morning to get her present Santa left her. It was a watch in an ornament and was left hanging in the tree.
I tell her Santa came. She came in and looked under the bare tree and said.. no he didn’t. I had to tell her to look up in the tree. She found it and was so happy. We have been happily baking in her new Easy Bake oven. She’s made the best brownie and yellow cake this side of the Mississippi. The older two have enjoyed making each other up and goofing around.
Lunch at my MIL’s yesterday was filled with laughter and lots of talking. Of course, there was the infamous dressing that no one in the family can replicate. I have ate Christmas dinners since Tuesday. The rest of my ham went into a big pot of beans earlier. Yummy. My tree is down, Christmas is a fading memory, but it is a good memory for us. Now let’s look forward to 2009, and hope is less dramatic as 2008.
Stuffed and Stiff
OH my aching back. Yesterday and the night before, I cooked out Christmas dinner. It was soooooo good. I smoked my ham on my gas grill with some hickory chips. I swear that was the best ham I have ever had in my life. I just got up from the table eating left overs. I tell ya, big dinner foods are just as good the next day to me. Yummy.
Tomorrow is the big day at my MIL’s. Christmas day for us is always rushed, we all have to get up and get ready to be down there by 11 AM. So we decided today to let the girls go ahead and open their presents so Shorty would have a chance to play with hers and we wouldn’t have to yank them away from their presents tomorrow to go eat dinner. Shorty still has one present to be delivered by Santa. But for the most part the girls have had a great Christmas and they love the stuff they got. The older girls got clothes, makeup, CD’s and teen stuff. Shorty got a few toys to play with and a Digital Camera that I still can’t figure out. She also got an Easy Bake oven and “cooked” me and her Daddy a Christmas Brownie. Gotta love a kid who gives you Chocolate.
Wild Child got her very first make up set and case. Needless to say, she has been “practicing” in front of the mirror all day. It’s fun though to watch her. Now the family is kicked back playing the Xbox and at some point, I will go in and run them off so I can watch A Christmas Story. I gotta get me some Ralphie before the end of Christmas. I hope each and every one of you have a safe and Merry Christmas.
Look Whose Talkin’