I was reading the newspaper and something caught my eye that depressed me. A big fat ad that said 27 days until Christmas. Just freaking great. I wished I could postpone it for a few months.
This year is going to be the skimpiest year ever for my girls. Hubby’s little bitty check doesn’t go far. By the time we pay the bills, finish paying for his contacts and all that, it’s pretty much spent. We get $50 each from his parents for Christmas and I get $50 for my birthday. Normally I spend it all on them, but unfortunately I have a Dr’s appointment 2 days before my birthday. So guess where that money is going. Uh huh the Dr.
This is the first year I have not put my tree up on Thanksgiving day. And to be honest with you.. I don’t see it going up any time soon. Heck even if I did, there would only be on present under there and it’s a review that I’m hiding from Shorty.
This is just too depressing.
I’m Thankful
Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I hope today is filled with lots of love, laughter and food. I hope that everyone gives thanks for whatever they are thankful for. I thought I would make my list of what I am thankful for! Enjoy.
1. My family. Without them I am nothing. Yes they drive me batty, but they are mine to do so.
2. My friends. Even the ones who wanna kick my ass, I still love you and am thankful for you. (LOL)
3. My health. Yes I’m on meds, but hey I’m alive right. My elevator my not be reaching the top floor, but that’s okay, I’m scared of heights.
4. My bed. It comforts me when I’m cold, sleepy and medicated. Plus it’s just too dang comfy to get out of.
5. The roof over my head.
6. I’m thankful for my freedom that our troops fight for every single day.
7. I’m thankful the crazy family I have has not called me this morning. I am more incline to talk to them later when my sanity is already shot.
And last but not least, I’m thankful for all of you. I hope you have a Happy and safe Thanksgiving.
Sleepy Head
Wow Monday already. Gosh this week has flown by. I guess it has something to do with me sleeping so much. Yeah the meds are totally kicking my ass and causing me to take extra long naps during the day and still go to bed around 10-11 every night. I’m not complaining.
It’s really hard to do any housework when you are napping. Hopefully today I can fight it and at least do laundry and the kitchen. I hope.
I have started back walking again. Every day!! It hurts like the dickens in my hips and ankles. That is one of the bad side effects to one of the meds.. it makes everything hurt worse. Oh well I reckon I can muster up and get through it for the next 3 weeks. It’s not like I haven’t been hurting for 3 years so 3 weeks isn’t nothing.
Well I’m off to scavenge the kitchen for something to eat before I take my meds, if I don’t I throw up. Not a pretty sight. Have a great day everyone!!
Epic Fail Sassy Style
Maybe I expected too much too soon. I honestly thought I could do it. Heck I’m medicated. I did try though. I had an epic fail.
So we decided to get out. I haven’t had any major panic attacks since I started my meds on Tuesday. So I thought Ok I can do this. I took all my meds today so I should be good to go.
At first the plan was to go to the mall, then it switched to Kroger. Along the way we stopped for gas and I decided to head back the other way and go to the smaller town and make a run into Walmart for a coffee filter. I did not shake. I did not hiberventilate. I did not pass out.
However when we pulled up, there was a commotion in the parking lot. I mean there was ambulances and firetrucks. That’s when the panic set in. So I sat in the truck for a few minutes trying to compose myself and decided it was do or die time. We get out, and at this point I’m running a marathon. We go in and go straight to the coffee pots where the filters are. All of a sudden I broke out in a sweat and attempted to throw up. I told hubby that I had to go and I hauled ass out of there. I was pretty much sprinting back to the truck.
I get in and take another one of my panic pills. At this point I was in full blown panic mode. Shakes, throwing up (or trying to), feeling like I couldn’t breathe, basically the whole nine yards.
He comes out and I can tell he’s irritated with me. He wanted run down to a little grocery store to run in and get a few things they had on sale. We pull up in the parking lot and I lost it. I started crying and told him I was sorry but I couldn’t go in. By the time he got back, the pill had kicked in and I was pretty out of it.
I realize I have only been on medication for 3 days now. Yes I know it’s too soon for it to work, but I at least wanted to try. I failed. This time.
Just talking
Ha take that Mr. Rooster. I beat you up this morning. Although it was not intentional I can grant you that.
I reckon it’s the medicine I’m on. I went to sleep last night but it wasn’t a restful sleep. It took me forever to fall asleep and then when I did, it wasn’t restful. I feel like I have so much energy built up inside. I feel like I could run a marathon, however feeling it and doing it is two different things.
My eyes popped open wide away at a few minutes before 6 this morning. Golly that’s so unheard of for me. Don’t get me wrong, I do kinda enjoy getting up early, but not so much. Oh well maybe I can go to bed early.
I done a little research per Dr. Google last night on Fibromyalgia. Apparently stress is a major factor of the pain. Huh imagine that. Now I know that I need to destress, but in this house it’s damn near impossible. Stress is an every day part of life around here, plus I’m a natural worry wort. I knew something was wrong I was just too chicken to go to the Dr about it. I mean heck I have lived the last 3 years in constant pain every single day. Imagine having the flu every day for 3 years. It’s a pain.. literally.
The Great Dr stuck me on depression/anxiety medicine. I asked hubby why would she put me on depression meds when I’m not depressed. He pointed out that he thought I was. When he broke it down, I guess in a way it does make sense. I can’t do the things I used to. It hurts too bad. I can’t go out and take hikes like I used to. Well theoretically I can, it’s just gonna hurt like hell when I am done and I will be laid up in the bed/couch for a few days. Maybe I will get back to my old self with all the meds. I sure hope so.
I made it. Safe and sound and without throwing up. I’m proud of myself. However it did not go without me trying to flee the scene. Every time I tried to walk outside for air, my husband made me sit in my chair. I asked him if he was afraid I was gonna run away, he said he was afraid he couldn’t get me back inside if I left. He’s probably right.
I talked to the Doc and it’s agreed that I need help and I have a panic disorder. That I already knew. She said there’s no rhyme nor reason why it happens, it just does. She asked me if I worked outside of the home and I told her nope that I couldn’t. She suggested that I try to sign up on my disability for my disorder. She said I can never function in society. I have to agree.
Then as I was thinking we were done, my husband mentioned my issues with my joints and stuff. She started poking and prodding on me (I did kinda slap her hands away a few times when she was digging in my hips), she said that she believes I have Fibromyalgia. She asked if anyone else in my family had ever been diagnosed and I told her yes and she asked about other medical issues and I explained to her about what certain family members had. She said something about looking further into that later.
To be honest, I just wanted out of there. She gave me some depression/anxiety medicine, a strong anxiety medicine just to help me adjust to the first medicine. She also gave me an anti-inflammatory medicine for my joints.
I took 2 out of the 3 and right now I feel drunk as a skunk. My fingers are on fire, but I guess that’s from the anti-inflammatory meds.
I have to say a huge thank you to two people. First off my hubby (I know he reads this when I tell him to). Thank you for being my rock and being so supportive during these last few weeks. You have no idea how much it means to me just to have you in my life. Thank you and I love you!!
And to Jyl, I know you probably get aggravated with me, but you know you still love me. Thank you for everything. You are honestly the one person I know I can talk to about anything. You are my Georgian sister. Thanks for all the advice, help and support you have gave me since we have met. I love ya lots girl!!
Thanks to everyone out there who has left comments and such wishing me luck!! All of you rock and are the best. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
And with that, I think I’m gonna take my swimming, drunk ass to the couch or bed until this passes.
I can do this.. I hope
Today is the day. I’m so nervous I feel like I have drunk a whole pot of Truck Driver’s coffee this morning. I just hope I don’t get in there and she’s pulls a rabbit out of my who ha. That would be slightly embarrassing now wouldn’t it.
I’m so irritated. I’m irritated by people who waste my time. We have the Explorer on Craigslist. We haven’t drove it since we acquired the Dodge. It’s essentially collecting Mother Nature dust so we decided to sell it. But some of the Yahoo’s on Craigslist will email you about it and say they are interested in it, yet that’s the last you hear from them. Maybe it’s the way I was raised, but it’s not very polite to waste someone’s time ya know?
We have lived here since 1993 and I just seen the very first squirrel. He was playing in a tree right outside the backdoor and I seen him out the window. How cute. Sorry I know that came out of nowhere. Indulge me for a few, I’m a little nervous.
Oh, while I’m rambling I have a question? How do you get rid of a few stray, wild cats? We have acquired a couple and they are not friendly. They get under the house and fight. I wanna get them out from under the house before they tear something up plus, hubby is highly allergic to cats. Any suggestions?
Ok I guess I’m going to get off here and put my clothes in the dryer and go take a shower. Wish me luck that I don’t throw up or pass out (well they have the smelling salt stuff) oh heck, just wish me I don’t make a fool of myself. Thanks!!
I can do this……. I hope!!!
Gossips and Giggles
Sisters is probably the most competitive relationship within the family, but once the sisters are grown, it becomes the strongest relationship. ~Margaret Mead
As I was sitting at the Dollar Store tonight I over heard a conversation between two young kids. They looked to have the same age distance as my older two. The young boy said “It’s my turn to sit up front” and the younger girl said “Mommy, no it’s not. It’s my turn”.
I overheard the mother tell them to stop their arguing. And I couldn’t help but to giggle. It made me think of when my girls were younger. My two would fight over the silliest things. I never thought in a million years that they would grow out of it. I thought that they would always be at eat others throats.
Since homeschooling, they have learned to like each other. I sit in here and listen to them gossip and giggle. Yes they still fight, but nothing like before. They have learned to lean on each other and to befriend one another.
It’s a far cry from the two little brats who always fought. Now they cover for each other and have finally started to bond. Sisters are forever. I have tried to convey this to them for years. It’s funny that it took them being around each other all the time for them to get it.
Christmas Countdown
So they say Christmas is right around the corner. Gee who ever sent out that memo should really be quiet. I know it’s coming, I’m just avoiding it. This year the oldest two have kept their list pretty darn simple. They want money. They protested and said I don’t buy the right things. Ok well they can have at it.
Jellybean has stated she wanted a pair of cowboy boots. Now in normal circumstances, I could see this happening. However we do not own a horse, cow, chickens or barn. We do not possess any qualities that would make her think of buying cowboy boots. Yes I do know that some wear them for a fashion statement. This coming from my child who wears shorts with bright green and yellow plaid knee socks.
Someone heard her list and gave her some advice. They told her they weren’t real cowboy boots until she’s stepped in horse shit. Never heard that one before, but okay.
Hubby delivered the dreaded No Santa speech to Shorty last year. I could have rung his neck. She is my baby and I wanted to hold on to that last shred of belief in her for as long as I could. I will never forget nor forgive him. He sat her down at the kitchen table and said “Shorty, we need to have a talk”. I just looked at him, not knowing what was fixing to come out of his mouth. Then I heard “There’s no Santa Claus. It’s us!!”.
If looks could have killed, he would have been long gone that day. But I will say with her knowing, she’s been pretty laid back about what she wants. But I have threatened her life if she tells any other kid. I just know it’s coming, I’m waiting on it.
So to those counting down, please stop, it’s just depressing me.
Look Whose Talkin’