Why I’m going to the Dr
I never imagined my life would or could be ran by anxiety. Out of nowhere, it sneaks up on me. I feel like someone is suffocating me. I gasp for breath and even though some is going in, it feels like it’s not. I can feel beads of sweat forming across my neck and my brow. My hands turn cold as ice, yet I’m sweating. My stomach turns flips and I get so nauseated that I try to find the nearest bathroom to throw up in. I start violently shaking and feel like my legs are going to give out. At times, I even feel as though I’m going to faint. I just want to run and hide.
For years I have been dealing with anxiety issues. For the most part, I can keep them at bay. However, here lately, I have been struggling to keep my head straight whenever I go to town. I’m fine until I step out of the truck. It’s happened numerous times and I’m pretty sure my family is getting tired of me having to leave as soon as we start shopping.
Today we took a trip to Walmart. I knew before hand we were going and before we even left, I started panicking. Out of nowhere mind you. I got out in the yard and tried to walk it off. No good. But for the sake of my family I got what I could together and went to town. I managed for a whole 20 minutes. Hubby and the two older girls went to go look at something and Shorty and I headed off in another direction. We were shopping for a training bra.
I got over in the appropriate area and everything started spinning. I honestly felt like I was in a dryer going round and round. I started feeling sick to my stomach and we headed off to find hubby and the girls. I thought if I found them I would feel better. Nope. We headed over to the grocery section and I feel wobbly so I left Hubby and Jellybean to finish up the shopping and the rest of us went to the truck. I got in and turned the air on and started to calm down. I can’t explain this.
I have a fear of people and bridges. I thought my fear of people was controlled. But here lately I have been having nightmares. I think that’s the trigger of it. Not sure though. Anyways, I have been putting off going to the Dr with my back. But as soon as we got home, my husband called the Dr’s office. He wants me to go and see her and see if I can get my anxiety under control plus deal with the other issues I am having. I agreed, so come Tuesday afternoon, I will be sitting (probably frantic) in the Dr’s office.
I feel so stupid. I understand that medication can help me, yet I do not want to take it. I don’t want to have to depend on a pill just to go to dang Walmart. But on the other hand, I do not want to have panic attacks either. So if I become MIA, I’m probably knocked out from whatever medication she sticks me on. I hope it works not only for my anxiety, but I hope she can tell me what the hell is wrong with my back and other various body parts that are failing me. Wish me luck.
November 5th, 2009 at 11:40 am
Good luck to you! You’re taking the hardest step right now, that first one of asking for help. Don’t be afraid of trying medication. If you need it, you need it and it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. My son had to take medication for depression and it really made a difference for him. Hope she can help your back issues, too. That’s miserable!
November 9th, 2009 at 7:16 am
Wow. Good luck. I hope you feel better and quickly overcome what ails you.