Fearful

On Friday we went to hubby’s eye appointment. On the way there a wave of fear rushed over me. I started shaking violently because I was so scared. I think it’s the fear of not knowing if this whole contact deal will work out like it did in my dream.

In my dream my hubby was so happy. The happiest I had seen him in years. So you can imagine my disappointment when the contacts had to be sent back. I bawled my eyes out all the way home.

As the tears came streaming down my face, he asked me to talk to him and to be truthful. So I told him that I was afraid. He thought I was afraid that this would work and he wouldn’t need me like he does now. I explained to him that that has nothing to do with it. I want him to have a normal life. I don’t want him to have to depend on someone to take him to the store or to where he needs to go. That’s not it. At ALL.

I am most fearful that it won’t work. I’m afraid that he will get his heart broken once again and nothing will change. I just want him to be the happiest. Is that wrong to wish for?

I can not understand what he feels or goes through on a day to day basis. But I do have an idea since I help him every single day. I am the one who helps him when he needs it. No one else in his family understands it. Instead they question him and his motives.

So yes, I am fearful of the unknown. Until I see it forehand, I think I will always be fearful.