I sit here this morning lost in my thoughts. It’s so quiet in here, you could hear a pin drop. I look out across the pasture and I can see a beautiful cool fog that has blanketed the earth. The sun is peeking it’s head over the trees. I am drinking chocolate milk out of a big coffee cup. I don’t have any coffee in the house so I’m pretending.
Well that was short lived. Hubby came wondering through. He made the comment that the early bird gets the worm. I told him I hoped the early bird choked on said worm.
This whole time change has really screwed with my body. My bedroom windows faces the east so as the sun is coming up earlier, my body thinks it’s later than it actually is. Does that make sense?
Tomorrow is D-Day. And to be honest, I couldn’t be more happier. I’m so tired of the panic attacks ruining my life. I feel like a prisoner of my own self. Getting in the door is going to be the hard part. I just hope I don’t throw up. That’s so embarrassing. But at this point, I could care less if she wanted to give me an anti-anxiety salt block, I’m willing to take it if it will make this go away and bring me back to my normal self.
I won’t lie and say I’m not scared to go to the Dr tomorrow. For the most part, I do try to avoid them at all cost. But I know in my heart of hearts that I need to go. I know I need help in order to overcome this wave of fear that has crippled me. Yet, I’m still scared. I’m going to try to get her to do a number of test on me. You know the routine stuff and also there’s a few things I want/need her to check out.
I just hope I don’t throw up.
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