Today I am feeling at my lowest of lows. You know it’s bad when you can’t get professional help. Well I could if I had a small fortune to the tune of $135 first visit and $90 and hour ever visit after that. Damn that sucks so bad. I’m so ready to see a therapist to get my anxiety under control. I want to see a therapist to let go of all of this emotional baggage I am carrying around with me on a daily basis.
I don’t think it helped matters much today that I watched the sun rise and got back up at 8:30. No sleep doesn’t not set well with me. It makes me emotional, cranky and all out crazy.
I just don’t know what to do. I know in my heart I need the professional help. I can not mend this on my own. I have been trying but I am failing at it. It just sucks that there’s no help out there for someone like me. I am like Humpty Dumpty, no one can put me back together again.
There are days like today where I could just peel my skin off with a ‘tater peeler and could care less. Every inch of my body is ridiculed with pain today. My skin feels like someone is sticking matches underneath it. Clothing makes me cry. Hugs brings me to my knees. My fingers feel as though they could pop at any moment and someone could win a prize for throwing darts at my feet.
My hair is pulled up in a ponytail. Even my scalp hurts. I have one spot on my head that will occasionally shoot these awful pains as though I have been stabbed. My neck just doesn’t want to do anything. It’s even letting my head down. LOL Getting up out of bed this morning was a sore sight. I wallowed around like a beached whale until I found my way to the edge of the bed.
I have been stumbling into walls. Knocking photos down as I go. Today is not a good day for some with Fibromyalgia. The heat is my worse enemy in all of this. And with the temps knocking at around 100 degrees for the next several days, I forsee myself in a lot of pain until then.
I would not wish this on my worse enemy. No one has any idea how much a person with Fibro suffers on a daily basis. Yes I look normal, but I’m not. I look fine, but my body is not. I may pretend that everything is just hunky dory when in fact I want to crawl up in the fetal position and cry.
So if you ever encounter someone with Fibro, be gentle with them. A hug may send them to bed crying. A pat on the back may bring them to their knees. But most of all, support them and get educated on Fibro. It’s not in our heads.
I am such a procrastinator. I should have already had the girls’ homeschool schedules done. I have started on it, just haven’t finished. This year we have decided to use the internet to our advantage. You can find anything and everything on here and it’s free. Plus my girls’ prefer working online than out of a book. Hey it works for us.
Life has changed so much for us since we decided to homeschool. Our family has gotten so much closer. At one time the girls would fight all the time. Plus the attitudes were out the roof at times. I’m amazed at how much better things are. Plus they love being homeschooled.
Well I guess I need to get my nose to the grind stone. Blah. Might as well be productive inside since it’s too hot outside.
There are several things I loathe about election year. First off all the smear campaigns that run on the televsion. Secondly is all the direct mail marketing flyers that we get in the mail. Vote for this one. Vote for that one. I promise you this. I promise you that. It’s insane.
I do not believe anything that comes from the politicians. I guess I’m one of those, I’ll believe it when I see it, type of person. The biggest issues here is Gambling. It’s been the talk of the state for years. Now we have one candidate that says if he wins, he will being gambling and the lottery to the state. But on the other hand the other candidate is saying no way Jose. Sucks to be us.
I believe we do need some form of Gambling here. We can go to any of our neighboring states and gamble all we want. They are getting all the money that this state could really use. We could use the money to improve the roads, send many kids to college who can not afford it otherwise. There is so much that this state could use with the revenue from either the lottery or gambling.
I have been to Tennessee to buy lottery tickets. I have been to Tunica to the casinos. I would have rathered my money stay here, but I guess until we can get it here, I will just have to go somewhere else.
Some times I do things without thinking it through first. For example, this morning I decided while hubby and Jellybean was gone to get his first set of allergy shot, I would mow the grass. Bad mistake.
First off, it rained last night so the grass was clumping under the mower. Secondly, it was so hot and humid out there. With it being this hot and humid, there’s no such thing as the best fat burner pill. All you need to do is get outside and do a little yard work.
Then after I quit we went to work on a friends’ car. I have sweat coming from places I did not know could sweat. But that’s how it goes when you live in the south.
I could handle the heat if the humidity wasn’t breath taking. Well now I have exhausted myself and think I’m going to crawl up on the couch for a little siesta before something else comes up.
Cartoons, 24/7
I had it when I run out of my meds. After a few days I just start breaking down. This morning I started crying for no reason. Thankfully I was able to borrow the money to go get my meds. Now I feel a little better, just tired.
I need to be on the look out for some tv stands for the girls’ rooms. Shorty needs one in the worse way. She needs one to put her TV and DVD player on. Currently they are sitting in the floor. She has brought the DVD player to the living room and it’s been a non stop cartoon fest. It’s driving me bonkers.
I don’t think I would mind it so bad if she didn’t play them over and over and over. If it weren’t so hot, I think I would go hold up in my bedroom for a while. But I don’t see that happening. As bad as I hate to say it, I will be so glad when the cartoon stage is long gone.
I’m beginning to believe I should wear that sign around my neck or have it tattooed across my forehead. How can one person who never leaves the house get pulled into so much drama? Easy, have crazy family and friends.
Yesterday we were invited to a birthday party for my brother in law who turned 40. We had intended on going, but decided to stay home as I was not feeling too well. Everything was quiet until my sister in law walked right off the porch and hit her head on the concrete sidewalk. She is okay, just extremely bruised and sore.
So hubby and I were sitting behind the house talking because the girls were inside with a friend watching TV. All of a sudden, I see some guy run from next door. I yelled for him to stop and he kept going. As I rounded the house, I seen him bust through the front door. He came running through pushing the kids out of the way. When I made it inside, I do not have to tell you how pissed I was. I started yelling at him to get his freakin’ arse out of my house. Hubby comes in and gets him.
We managed to get him back next door then all hell breaks loose. He started getting out of my BIL’s car and I laid my hand on his chest and told him to sit tight that he was coming. He reaches up and grabs me around the throat and pushes me back and takes off running down the street. Everyone starts screaming (that’s what happens when you get a bunch of drunks together), chaos is an understatement.
Everyone finally starts clearing out and we decided to look for the guy. See he had a car wreck several years ago that left him in not the best shape. He gets paranoid very easily and that’s what had happened earlier. He has been taken off all his meds because of substance abuse. He can’t even take fat burner supplements. Anyways, we searched for an hour and couldn’t find him.
We take my BIL home and come home and go to bed around 2 AM. Around 3 AM we hear this bang on the door. I get up and go ask who it is, but already know. He asked for hubby and when hubby opened the door, he asked him if he would please take him home. So we give him a bottle of water and told him to wait just a minute so we could get dresses. Well when we went outside, the dude was on the ground having a seizure. Once he comes too, he explains to us that he ran just a little piece down the road and jumped off in a ditch and went to sleep.
We load him up and take him home and made sure he was safe and sound. He apologized for scaring the girls and said he was just scared.
I’m telling you, we are a magnet for crazy people. As I was telling Jyl on the phone this morning the events of last night, she made the comment “I don’t know how you do it. You have a panic disorder and never leave your house, yet you see more action than anyone I know”. It’s true. I guess that’s what happens when you are the most sane person you know.
I want a camper
I love camping. Even when I was knee high to a grasshoppers ass, I was camping out in the front yard. As an adult, I don’t get to do it as often. One thing is I can’t take the heat like I used to could and sleeping on an air mattress is painful.
I want one of these:
*Photo from Holiday World of Houston*
I want a camper so bad I can’t stand it. If I had one, I would never be at home. We would have to get 5th wheel insurance in case something were to go wrong. And with out luck, that’s very highly possible.
With a camper, we could camp all year long and in different places. We could go to the mountains of Georgia, the beaches in Florida or the desert sands of Texas. The possibilities are endless. Plus it would be a great learning experience for the girls. Now we just need a camper.
I do believe my girls thinks money grows on trees. Especially Jellybean. She’s a typical 15 year old. She wants to shop 24/7. She made the comment yesterday that it is not fair that she doesn’t get to go back to school shopping since she’s homeschooled now. Of course the commercials for apple bottoms jeans, shoes and all the back to school ads on TV doesn’t help.
We do buy the girls clothes, but as an as need basis. Since we started homeschooling we don’t have to spit out a small fortune for all the stuff. We save at least a thousand dollars or more (with 3 kids) on homeschooling. It’s been a blessing really.
Now if I could just get the ads off the TV so my daughter would stop drooling over it. I hate commercials. They are the epitome of evil. Evil I tell ya!!
Look Whose Talkin’